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London Slumlord: Name and Shame Website

I've lived in London for almost six years and have had some real nightmare landlords and letting agencies.  Once, my flat on Holland Road got flooded and the agency simply put new floorboards over it. I later found out they did it every couple years, when the basement flat got flooded. Not shocked that the whole place smelled damp all the time. 

Because finding property in London's a freakish nightmare from which there's no espace, we often have to compromise something. Certainly, you won't rent a seemingly decent flat that you can actually afford just because your landlord's a total sadist. 

So, instead, there's this site where you can complain, vent and share pictures when your landlord screws you. Talking about it helps.

It's the simple things - FunkInYou, KOKO, Camden, N1

FunkInYou is another promoter / club night adding itself to the London club pile. DJs and performance artists, usually at KOKO in Camden. The Christmas Party wasn't exactly full and there were quite a few Melvins, Wallys and Goobers in the ground. Nerds with shirts buttoned up high like religious zealouts. And, like every proper, over-promoted club night, I even spotted a few over-50s in the crowd along with plenty of teenagers.

But with a venue as massive and comfortable as KOKO, I didn't care either. The music wasn't cutting edge but enough to send me and my date bouncing gleefully to the oldschool dance classics. The DJ (@Akross) didn't break any new ground, but it was more than good enough.

KOKO also lets you chill in many of the quieter parts of the club, with couches and space where you can have a proper mini chillout or special-touchy time. And, for the gentlemen out there, the talent was more than ample enough to make some special friends right on the night.

Performance artists include human statues, stiltwalkers (who most stand) and, the highlight, a lady throwing sparks with a grinder and a piece of metal....strapped to her crotch. There was also a confetti drop that I missed. Considering the early tickets were 15 quid, this was time well spent. The video above is from one of the busier, more Essexy, summer parties - but I was quite happy to have plenty of space to get my boogie on and lie down when I felt like. Underattended club nights have their many charms.

Official FunkInYou site: http://funkinyou.com/

Pros:

• KOKO is an amazing venue to club in
• Great ratio
• Decent, if not great, music

Cons:

• I find it annoying when DJs talk on the mic. DJs shouldn't have a mic.
• £15 isn't that cheap
• KOKO charges you twice if you want to get your coat tout of coatcheck to smoke
  

Tips:

• Buy on their website instead of Ticketweb, save yourself 2 quid per ticket
• Don't check your coat, there's plenty of space to hide it in the club
  

Ponces, fine. Russian gangsters, ergh. Ten quid cover on a Monday? Screw you Apartment 195, Chelsea!

My chick and I were pretty stoked to get invited by s brand new artist friend to his 'show'. We'd met him at a Drunken Balordi gig - free, somewhere in north Shoreditch and full of the kind of wild-haired, indy art kids you'd expect to find around there.


So imagine our surprise when asked to pay Chelsea's dreary looking Apartment 195 at 195 Kings Road, SW3 5ED, ten quid to go check out this art stuff. And hey, ten quid for cover on a Thursday - fair, on a Friday or Saturday, bargain! On a Monday? That's massive balls. The place was filling up with big haired Chelsea kids in their cashmere jumpers and shiny, shiny shoes - and I did catch a couple of archetypical Russian 'gangsters' on my way out (if you wear all black and shave your head and don't smile, there's a good chance your name is Sergei and you collect debts.)


So, to Apartment 195 (dreariness pictured) and all other Chelsea ponce spots, I say, no more. The good, none-trustfunded people of London won't tolerate your wannabe exclusivity. Let us overpay for your beer with no cover or face our collective wrath of going to a pub instead, as we ended up doing.




Pros:
Good decor


Cons:
Filled with new money and month and the less-stylish among the Chelsea trustafari community